Sunday, October 16, 2011

how a mom takes a nice, hot bath

In the following few paragraphs, I'm going to give you (A Mom) instructions on how to take a nice, hot bath:

. The first step is to have dinner prepared & cleaned up early. (it helps if your hubby brings home pizza after work...YES! Brian worked today. YES! We know it's Sunday. It's the Army that tends to forget.) I did not plan this step, it just happened. YAY! for early dinners.

. Step #2, have dessert enjoyed & cleaned up early. (NO! we do not have dessert every night, but Korinne made a special treat for everyone. She actually served it, and cleaned it up...which helped with my 'early' theme.)

. Next, OK your plans to take a nice, hot bath with hubby. YES! He will most likely say, "GO! Enjoy your bath." But you want to be sure he knows that he's looking after the kids for a while. Otherwise, he will think you've certainly got it handled...even if you are NOWHERE! in sight.

The fourth step is to lock the door to the bathroom. This is tricky for me. The door leading to our master bath locks from the outside. YES! You can unlock it from the inside as well, but it allows Little Ones to be able to unlock it from the outside too! BUT! It does give hubby an extra ten seconds to catch the Little One who is trying to enter the bathroom where Mommy is trying to take her nice, hot bath. And he will stop the culprit before they can emerge victorious. Hopefully.

. Step #5 is to turn the exhaust fan ON! NO! You are not taking a steaming shower. You are taking a nice, hot bath. BUT! The exhaust fan will drowned out any small-ish noise that may alarm you (A Mom) and cause you to cut your nice, hot bath short.

. The next step is to clean the bathtub of tubby toys and dirt. YES! Every mom of Littles has tubby toys. No big deal. NO! Not every mom has to clean dirt out of her bathtub to take a bath. And I really can't believe I'm telling the world that I do! BUT! It's true. I have FIVE Rowdy Boys, and they get dirty. Like, actually DIRTY everyday. Like, there's dirt in the bathtub each night after they've had their bath. (I will NEVER understand how a mom of boys could ever not have to give them a bath every. single. day. *And, in the hot, summer months...I have to give my boys TWO. One when we come in for lunch and naps, and one we come in for dinner and our night time routine.)

. The seventh step is to fill the tub up with hot water and a little bath oil. YES! The water should be almost too hot. BUT! You take a 5 minute, lukewarm shower most other days of your life, so this one too-hot shower will not ruin your skin. And YES! The leftover Skin So Soft that you had on to combat the attack of the Arkansas Mosquitoes counts as a little bath oil (not that that's what I did, ahem.).

. Step #8 is to put a hot washrag over your face and soak. Continue with this until you hear the sound of little, running feet OVER the exhaust fan (Step #5), then the sound of one of your toddlers wailing in distress (which will take about 3 minutes).

. The next step is to stop soaking and bathe already. If you planned on shaving, go ahead, BUT! only from the knees down. That way, if you wear capri pants or a skirt tomorrow, no one will know the better. And you can explain to poor hubby, that you had full intentions of REALLY shaving your legs...until you heard the wailing toddler. He will then understand.

. The tenth step is to get out of your nice, hot bath and moisturize. UNLESS! A Little Person has broken past the locked door leading to the bathroom (Step #4), and is standing there hollering, "CAN I COME IN?!" Then you will have to forget the body lotion (until you see your knees in the morning).

. Step #11 is to put on clean jammies and smile. Because you are clean. Which you (A Mom) cannot say all the time.

:: Happy Nice, Hot Bathing! ::