Wednesday, November 9, 2011

continuing to pour

It has been one of those mornings. One where I find myself living out the verse of this place,
"...At the beginning of the watches; pour out your heart like
water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward Him for the life of
your young children..." - Lamentations 2:19
 
I speak here often of how my life is beautiful. Of how my husband and children are tremendous blessings. Of how we strive to be deliberate. Consistent. In the moment. And it is all real, it's truly who we are. But this morning has been a reminder, to my slightly too comfortable soul, that living fully, consistently, and deliberately is not easy.

I had nothing left to do, but lift my hands toward Him. With lifted hands, and an overwhelmed heart, a heart full of the tasks He had laid before me, I poured.

When it takes the nine year old over an hour of precious time to do a simple copywork assignment. When the toddler rips through the pages of yet another overdue library book. When there are tiresome and tedious disciplinary issues that need constant, immediate attention. When children seem weary (didn't we just wake up?).
I may feel hopeless. But I'm not hopeless. Praise God.

When the chaos of the morning was finally fading, when the book work at the kitchen table was finished, once hungry tummies were full of peanutbutter and jelly, and we were dropping the oldest off at a sweet friend's house to help out... I smiled, for probably the first time in hours, at my daughter and said, "Enjoy your opportunity to serve." She smiled back, knowing everything was okay, and answered, "I will."
I'm grateful to know that I don't have to walk through these hectic mornings alone. I'm grateful that I can repent and be forgiven of negative feelings, harsh talk, and terrible mothering.
I'm so grateful that all I have to do is lift my hands, and He sees, and takes them.