Monday, February 24, 2014

Giving Up - Hoping

... my Faith is very weak. And when it comes to trusting God with my children, it's at it's weakest. I'm one of the guilty Christians who holds my family higher than I should. I'm aware, and I struggle.

Over the last month, we've learned that Korinne has a condition called Vasovagal Syncope. She is fine. Not fine in the way your child is. But fine. Ballet has been a bit of a battle for me, though. Should she continue? Is it safe? And she should. And it is. But I still worry (though I know I shouldn't).

As we drove to her class this afternoon, she sat in the passenger seat taping her toes. I listened to the sound of the masking tape ripping, ripping ... then the music caught my attention. A song about trusting God. And I got a lump in my throat. And gave her up. Peacefully. Surprisingly.

As she got out of the van at school, Hillsong United came on singing "Oceans" ... which we both love. 

I smiled and said -- "I get to listen on the way home." She laughed and said something about it always coming on when she's getting out of the car.

Then I reminded her, "You know I spoke to Miss Lona (her ballet principal) today." ... 

"Yes, Mom. You told me. Twice," she says, smiling as her lip gloss and eyeshadow sparkle in the sunshine. She knows I worry.

"Be careful," I say. 

"I will. I love you," is what I hear as she shuts the door and walks away with her slightly-strawberry-blonde hair in a neat bun, wearing her hot pink hoodie with both hands shoved in her pockets, her ribbons and flowers Vera Bradley bag carrying her beloved pointe shoes slung over her shoulder, and her purple sneakers on ...

I watched until she got inside the door, and then drove away listening to Our Song, turned up way too loud. Hoping my Faith would indeed be made stronger.